The Secret Policeman's Balls Up

No other type of entertainment requires as much guts as live comedy. To get up in front of an audience of strangers with the explicit intention of making them laugh is something very few sane people would dare attempt. Fail and you 'die', suffering the kind of public humiliation that would render most of us hopeless psychological wrecks.

So why is it that so many British comedians are prepared to run that risk with such lame material? Or to put it another way, why do they lack the conviction of their courage?

Last week on Channel 4, a host of British comedians filed on to the stage of Royal Albert Hall to take part in the Secret Policeman's Ball 2008.

Commissioned to raise money for Amnesty International, the show was obviously for a good cause. Yet there's no cause, however worthy, if you're a comedian, that obviates the need to be funny.

And sure enough, the likes of Peter Cook, John Cleese, Rowan Atkinson and Billy Connolly have provided previous Secret Policeman's Balls with some of Britain's finest live comedy moments.

This year, Frank Skinner talked about peeing and having sex 'doggy style' (though not as a simultaneous activity). Jonathan Ross discussed his long testicles. Alan Carr camped on about Botox and blow jobs. And Russell Howard told a story about his brother's erection during an epileptic fit, which was, if you can imagine, less funny than it sounds.

So it went on, one comic after another, dredging the shallows of their pseudo-experiences to come up with ersatz laughter. With all its lavatorial humour and sexual desperation, the Secret Policeman's Ball was the stand-up equivalent of one of Britain's binge-drunk urban centres on a Saturday night at chucking- out time.